Me, And the other Revolutionaries ... Honestly

>> 27 June 2012

Pic 1 of 7: Maikel Nabil the first opinion prisoner after the revolution

Do you know what the hardest time I’ve spent incarcerated was? What hurt the most? … No, not the time I’ve tried to slit my wrists with a piece of glass and couldn’t because it wasn’t sharp enough… and wasn’t the night I spent at the same place where they told me that the disappeared journalist Reda Hilal was assassinated… not also that time where I was physically assaulted by a police officer and the sanctity of my body was violated… and it also wasn’t those moments when they made me watch them torture the other inmates at ElMarg prison facility…. Not the moments when the ElMarg police officers where framing me for religious contempt and blackmailing me to stay silent about their violations against me… and not the moments I was so close to death during my hunger strike, not the moments when I forgot the names of my friends nor the moments when I started to lose my vision, nor the moments following me waking up and not realizing where I was, not the moment when I refused to write an apology that would set me free and chose to return to prison with my own free will, it wasn’t the moments I cried for my dear friend Nour Moreb the loyal friend who made sure before he committed suicide to make my picture as his Facebook profile picture so as to expose the silence of the world on my incarceration, no all those moments were hard, but they weren’t the hardest.
The hardest moment was when I was stepping in the military court from the transportation vehicles while on hunger strike shouting out with the down fall of the military ruling while seeing only two people standing before the court, my father and a friend!!! … or when I was standing alone in the court room before the judge without lawyers present, while tens of lawyers were in the adjacent hall.
How many times have I asked to be visited by a human rights lawyer so that he would put an end for the violations happening against me in jail? But not one human rights organization responded to my pleas, and if it weren’t for Amir Salem, the brave lawyer, who helped me transfer by the end of December out of ElMarg prison facility, I might’ve been killed there as a result of mistreatment inside.
It was hard when one of the rebels told me about a meeting he had with some of the members of the S.C.A.F. on February 2011, and how he told them that he was my friend though he didn’t approve of the offences that I directed to the armed forces… the funny thing was that this person regretted it and told me about what happened, but how many others did the same thing and never said a word? ... The rebels were the ones who gave the green light for the army to imprison me.

The crisis of the Egyptian revolution
The Egyptian revolution missed the presence of a compass… the rebels are moved by their temperaments and the flow of inclination, the don’t know what their goals are or what they want… they went out on their way to bring down the regime, then gave the power to the army of that regime, and surrendered the parliament to the religious wing of the regime, then handed the leadership of the revolution to the general intelligence agents… they were fascinated and fooled by media and cable show stars while blinded to the dirty prison uniforms… searching for a hero to free them while oblivious to the freedom existing within them, looking for a just ruler among a bunch of thieves… listening to populists and demagogues while not reading for philosophers and intellectuals … they pursue those of gossip rather than those of understanding … a nation that does not read, as if knowledge was a vice, they put ideological barriers between them and the key to their revolution’s success, the move with the herd, not the herd of the “sofa party”, but the herd of the revolution’s party without asking about the intentions of the alpha male leading this herd!!!
Some might see me as conceited for saying this (and they are free to do so) but I assume that I would’ve made a difference in the fate of this revolution, I might’ve saved a lot of lives and eyes, I might’ve shrunk the lifespan of the July military regime, I would’ve helped in the victory of this revolution during its early months… the members of the military council knew that well, that’s why they started with the procedures of my case since the 2nd week of them assuming power (and perhaps the 1st week)
And for those who wonder about the abilities I claim to have, they are simply the same points I’ve been attacked on: being atheist, my foreign relations my position concerning Israel… the world doesn’t feel that I’m odd or different or eastern… my position regarding Israel assures everybody that I don’t hate anybody based on their beliefs, that I will not cause a new war in the region … my position on religion removes any doubt regarding any relation between me and extremists groups, and at the same time confirms my commitment to rational analysis and reasonable thinking… during my conversations with foreign diplomats the conversation always is very straightforward, and a lot do those diplomats admit their fault without shame just because they think I’m not a stranger.
I would have used that so we could stop the arms deals that is constantly supplied to the military council, and save the lives and eyes of the rebels, this could’ve also been invested to apply pressure to the council to hand over the power during only six months. The Egyptian government to accept the Rome convention , and other international human rights treaties, the council would’ve been forced to organize a free election, and to hold just courts for all the corrupts of the July system…
But all this never happened simply because the revolutionary bodies put their hate for Israel before their love for their country, and delivered me on a silver platter to the militaries … I believe that it was the rebels were the ones who imprisoned me not the militaries, I’ve been tried and imprisoned really early during the revolution, at a time were the rebels were influential, and if they’ve taken the same reaction they did when Asmaa Mahfouz and Reem Maged and others later on, I wouldn’t have been imprisoned in the first place.

A Predicament
On the night before I was supposed to travel to Germany to study (not to immigrate) a friend from the group who were involved in the campaign demanding my freedom, she wrote: “I would’ve understood the decision of immigration if you hadn’t called for, and were involved in the revolution, but since you have done that especially since you are an activist, and went and did something controversial and left your friends in a tight spot defending you and ditched us, then _l_ ''
 Pic 2 of 7: I would’ve understood the decision of your immigration if you hadn’t called for, and were involved in the revolution, but since you have done that especially since you are an activist, and went and did something controversial and left your friends in a tight spot defending you and ditched us, then _l_

The real crises with the mindset of the Egyptian people is that they consider defending opinion prisoners as a tight spot or a predicament, it’s not just that we blame the victim and disregard executioner, but we also blame those whoever tries to help this victim… I’ve never heard of an African American accusing Martin Luther King that he “stuck the black community with defending him” nor have I ever read about any African accusing Nelson Mandela that he has “set” them “up” for defending him for 38 years straight, and up till now it never happened that someone from Burma said that Aung San Su kyi has “set” the Burmese opposition “up” with defending her!!!… In Egypt we consider human rights defenders are “sticking us with their defense” when they defend our rights!!!
Last month some closely connected people with the Egyptian General Intelligence administration evoked a campaign against me as a result of my position from terrorism. And here I’m not talking about the flow of swearing or provoking of violence, but also encouraging the army to imprison me all over again. And of course I’m not talking about a difference in opinion, although the justification of a terrorist operation is not an opinion… but I’m talking about a new tone here, which is them gloating with the fact that they have defended me when I was incarcerated. great number of brutes who didn’t read my writings which they curse me for, say that they regret participating in the marches of my release… when the defense of free speech becomes something you regret, then don’t mind the military shoes diving in your gut, let he who has sown the thorns reap it… the person who says “cursed be the principles that would make me defend Maikel” is someone who has never believed a day in those principles … and the girl who says, “damned be the revolution that would make me defend Maikel Nabil” is a human who never believed a day in the revolution.
Sometimes I find myself thinking: what did I earn when I entangled myself with 10 months of imprisonment for defending the right s of people whom I don’t know? What would I get out of defending the rights of young men refusing compulsory military recruitment although I’ve been irrevocably exempted? … did you know that Ahmed Mustafa, the first blogger to be military tried in Egypt (year 2010) is almost the only prisoner that I’ve defended during his incarceration, and hasn’t humiliate me after his release like the others?... every time I answer myself with the same replies, I did what my conscience command me to and what retains my self-respect… but the most important question that I couldn’t answer: am I prepared to give up my freedom yet again defending a group of people who consider me defending their rights a “predicament”??
The question I keep asking myself constantly” who has the right to gloat the other? … I was invited to the meeting with Omar Suleiman on February 2011, and I didn’t go, while Mustafa EL-Naggar and the Muslim Brotherhood went, and you have elected them for the parliament … I’ve been locked away and tortured in the military intelligence on February the 4th, you held your silence and followed Wael Ghoniem arriving in Hossam Badrawee’s, the secretary general of the National Democratic Party, car saying that the intelligence officers who arbitrary detained him, are in fact loyal and patriot men… you praised the army and ignored me during the time when the rebels were tortured and killed in the military camps… you want to hold the Salafis accountable for voting “yes” for the referendums on modifications of the constitution, and you don’t hold “6th of April” accountable for giving legitimacy to the military council after the coup on Mubarak … you consider Khalid Ali a candidate of the revolution although he accepted the negotiations with the Egyptian General Intelligence administration with no known results for this negotiations, and he has participated in a charade of falsified elections that gave legitimacy for the continued presence of the military ruling, and you consider me non representative of the revolution though I’ve refused the invitation to meet one of the military council members, and before that I refused to receive a phone call from the prime minister Al-Ganzoury, and before that I refused a position in Egyptian ministry of foreign affairs, so now talk to me about being revolutionary.

Pic 3 of 7: The youth of 6th April of Mansoura: Maikel Nabil comments on the issue of the Palestinian prisoners!!
Our comment… Be humiliated live and dead… God willing we will see you hanging by your neck in one of the prison cells someday… while we pass in front of you all smiles !!
May all who are like you be crushed, Maikel Nabil !! :(

Pic 4 of 7: @maikelnabil yes to the military trials for the parasites
 Pic 5 of 7: I’m ready to forgive the military council for everything that has been done except not putting Maikel Nabil on trial
  Pic 6 of 7: I was not supporting the campaign calling for Maikel's freedom and I'm proud of that… because if Israel had an Israeli citizen supporting Palestine they wouldn’t have let him be saying it with freedom of speech.


  Pic 7 of 7: cursed be the revolution that would make somebody defend the freedom of a son of a bitch like Maikel Nabil.

My options
After being released from prison I found out that I had a clear principle I had to face myself with: I am ready to go to jail over and over again for my principles, but I am not ready to go to jail so that those pimps would be in the parliament, and for the general intelligence agents to speak in the name of the revolution. I would agree to sacrifice my freedom and wellbeing for a cause, but not to help some of the political life whores achieve dirty rewards … and considering that we are in the course of a naïve revolution, which makes more mistakes than achieve victories, which inclines to pimps and eats up its children… alienating the world with foolish and chaotic performances … I have found myself faced with limited options
First option: is to do as the stars of the revolution had done, a cup of tea in one of the military council members offices, or in the General Intelligence administration building at “Hadaek Al Qubba”, only then will the Egyptian media speak of me positively, and will find good job opportunities and a lot of privileges, afterwards I’ll pretend to have some faith like them so that the religious and fascists would be relieved, then pretending to support the rights of the Palestinians, while still meeting up with the Israelis secretly like they all do … I know very well what is my price at the Egyptian intelligence divisions, and I can use it well, exploiting it buy selling out the revolution like what others have done.
Second option: is to continue in Egypt practicing my activities faithfully like I used to do in the past. The outcome would be that the Egyptian media would continue to discredit my name, while being helped with the general intelligence agents who were among those who have seized the revolution, then I’ll be used as a scape goat presented by the politicians to the military whenever they wanted to get on their good side, and the militaries will use me as a hostage whenever they wanted to trade the free world for something.
Third option: is to leave Egypt, and go live a luxurious life at any country of my choice, carrying a passport that will protect me from the revenge of the military regime, and trade the Egyptian cause like so many Egyptians living abroad (without generalization). Then after 40 years of ignorance about anything concerning Egypt, I would do like El Baradei and Amr Hamzawy and return to Egypt, right then I would find a lot of naïve people to do with me as revolutionaries did with El Baradei, although the reasons why the public are attacking me applies to them as well, with one difference, I’m not fooling anybody.
Fourth option: is to leave Egypt and forget all about it, forever, get a job and a nice life away from the media and politics and the heartache. Start fresh, with a new beginning at a place where there are no religious extremists nor militaries nor intelligence agencies nor infiltrators.
Making the choice out of those options may seem easy to some but to me it was impossible… I can’t give up my principals, and I can’t accept being a part of a corrupt system even if secretly, and during the struggle I can’t collaborate with partners who sell out every step of the way, and I cannot live safely abroad pretending that no violations of human rights occur in Egypt, and I can’t trade the blood of people who have given up their lives to free their country… for me all the options mean the death of the human within me who is the only thing I have.
Then and there I chose not to choose. I chose to press "pause". Simply I will not choose… I’ll postpone the choice for the appropriate point in time… I decided to resume my studies abroad as was scheduled last year if it weren’t for my incarceration… I will continue the fight against oppression and tyranny all over the world, and at the same time I will not pay for other’s mistakes… and after I finish my studies in two years I will decide, either to return if the revolution has learned from its mistakes and got rid of its pimps and learned how to tell its friends from its foes, or live somewhere safe if the pig refused but to live in the mud… the modern state is built on the idea of “the social contract” so either there will be a contract between the activists that guarantees that their sacrifices are directed within the best interest of the revolution not the interest of a corrupt class that profit from the revolution for their own personal gain, or “I’m out”.

And to the Israelis too
Unfortunately some never believe your threat until you go through with it… Israelis didn’t respond to the peace initiative of Sadat in 1971, but the responded to them after the war. As if it was needed for Sadat to go to war and kill to prove that he really wants peace!!!
Three days before my incarceration I’ve written in my article “In which side is Israel standing?” that Israel needs to change its foreign policies with its neighbors, and on a personal level, even though I gain nothing out of my peace activism, and nothing is forcing me to continue in this field that costs me so much. Yes, I can immigrate and live anywhere safe on this planet; nothing obligates me to pay the costs of your mistakes and choices. The people of Israel are the ones who can’t immigrate and live freely outside of Israel.
I’m still the same person and haven’t change, I’m ready to be imprisoned for a hundred years for peace, but I won’t be imprisoned so that one of the war parties in Israel increase their vote counts. I’m ready to sacrifice for the right of the country of Israel to exist, but I’m not ready to sacrifice for people who deny other people’s right to exist and have the right to an honorable democratic life. I am ready to stand beside people who suffer besieging and segregation, but I’m not ready to stand beside the people who ignore me when I suffer, and compete with the rest of the Arab people in insulting me.
During the upcoming months, especially with the elections coming up in Israel the Israeli people will have to answer an important question which is “who are your friends in the area: peoples or the oppressive states?” there you have to choose between coexistence and peace in the area with the peoples, or pick the greater Israeli ghetto with the Nazi dictatorships around every corner… choose, and pay the cost of that choice, and if you’ve chosen the peace and coexistence I’ll return happily as a soldier in the battle for peace.

Final Words
Humans are responsible for their fate... your choices make up your future… this article is an invitation for you to choose: either go on in life with the same way and pay the cost alone, or forget the past and start with a new beginning.

N.B. Thanks for Sarah A.W. for volunteering in translating this Article from Arabic.

This article is available in Arabic here, in Italian in Thousand Words blog, and in Hebrew in Nitay Elboym's blog.


Yasser M. Awadallah,  28/06/2012, 02:15  

If you need a friend, here I am, I would love to help you choose the right option, but it is up to you, my only advise to you is that, do not try to destroy a concrete wall with your weak bare hands, find yourself a proper tool

here is my email :

padaajoshi 12/09/2012, 17:43  

Brother, keep up the hope. I don't know what I can do, if anything, but my heart is with you.

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